一笑軒

  ＊＊＊

They both waited, and McGee gazed up at the TV screen above the bar as the waitress dealt with the check and handed Gibbs his change.

他們都在等著，然後在女服務生結帳準備找零時、McGee看向了吧台上方的電視螢幕畫面。

"Heh － looks like it passed." McGee pointed to the rolling news at the bottom底部 of the screen. Gibbs glanced up as he put some quarters四分之一 back in his wallet. "The gay marriage thing," McGee added. "So gay marriage is now legal in the state of Virginia - about time too早該如此." Not that it affected him, but he had some gay friends living nearby and he had always thought it was stupid that marriage was a right denied否認 to them.

「呵—看來它通過了。」McGee指著螢幕底端的跑馬燈新聞說。Gibbs在將25分錢放回皮夾裡時抬頭看了一眼。「同志婚姻的那些事。」McGee補充說。「所以同志婚姻現在在Virginia（維吉尼亞州）是合法的了—早該如此了。」不是說這會影響到他，不過他有些住附近的同志朋友而他也總是覺得否認同志婚姻這件事對這些同志來說實在是太愚蠢了。

"No idea why *anyone* thinks marriage is a good idea, gay or straight," Gibbs grunted.

「沒搞懂為什麼〝每個人〞認為結婚是個好主意，無論是同志或直人。」Gibbs哼道。

"So it's not something you'll attempt試圖 again?" McGee asked, as they left the restaurant.

「所以這不是你會再做一次的某件事？」McGee問道，這時他們正離開了餐廳。

Gibbs laughed. "Only if I lose my wits理智," he said. "And if I do, you have my permission to shoot me."

Gibbs笑了起來。「只有當我失去理智的時候。」他說。「而且如果我真的這麼做了，我同意你拿槍斃了我。」

McGee grinned back at him - and Gibbs reached out and touched his arm. "What about you, Tim?" he asked. "The years are passing. Hell, I'd been married three times by the time I was your age but you've never tried it once."

McGee笑著回看他—接著Gibbs 來到他身邊並拍了拍他的手臂。「那你呢，Tim？」他問。「這麼多年過去了。見鬼，我在你這年紀已經結過婚三次了、但你卻連一次都沒試過。」

"Oh well…I just never met the right girl," McGee replied, feeling himself flush淹沒. "Or…I met her but she married someone else."

「噢那個…我只是還沒碰到那個對的女孩。」McGee回道，感覺自己像是被淹了一樣。「又或者是…我碰到了她但是她嫁給了別人。」

Gibbs gazed at him steadily.

Gibbs久久地看著他。

"And then…you know, got herself killed and left us all with a kid to look after," McGee added, with a wry, self-deprecating自貶 grin. Gibbs nodded, and slapped his shoulder gently和緩地.

「然後接下來…你知道的，她被殺了然後留了個孩子給我們照顧。」McGee補充說，帶著一個有點扭曲，自我貶低的笑容。Gibbs點點頭，然後用力的拍了他的肩膀。

"It's been a long time. Maybe you need to start looking for someone else?" he suggested.

「已經過了很長一段時間了。也許你需要開始尋找其他人？」他提議道。

"Like Tony has?" McGee asked. "He used to date a different woman every night of the damn week but there's been nobody for him since Abby."

「就像Tony這樣？」McGee反問。「他試著在每個該死的周末夜晚約會不同的女人、但卻沒有一個對他來說可以像Abby一樣。」

Gibbs gave him a searching look. "Tony's circumstances are different. As for Abby - I know you both loved her but she made her choice. Look, Tim, you're one of the youngest directors NCIS has ever had and you're doing a great job over there － I always knew your career would be on the fast track途徑. You were just too damn bright前途光明 and too damn good at your job not to make it to where you are right now. But…there are other things in life besides work you know."

Gibbs給了他一個探詢的目光。「Tony的情況不一樣。對Abby來說—我知道你也愛著她、但她做了選擇。聽著，Tim，你是NCIS有史以來最年輕的處長、你也做得很好—我早知道你在這行肯定是一帆風順。你一直以來就是該死的前途太光明、工作也該死做得太好。但…生命中肯定還有其他除了工作以外的事情、你知道的。」

McGee laughed out loud. "Is that really Leroy Jethro Gibbs I hear giving me that advice忠告?" he asked. "The same Leroy Jethro Gibbs who never arrived at work after 08:00, or left before 21:00?"

McGee大聲笑了起來。「我聽到的真的是Leroy Jethro Gibbs這個人給我的建議嗎？」他問。「和那個八點上班從不遲到，或是從不在晚上九點前離開辦公室的Leroy Jethro Gibbs是同一個人？」

Gibbs gave him a tight little smile. "Yeah, well, maybe looking after Louis these past few years has given me a different perspective觀點," he said. "You going back to the office now?"

Gibbs給了他一個極小的笑容。「沒錯，well，也許照顧Louis的這幾年給了我不同的觀點。」他說。「你現在要回辦公室了？」

"Yes. Strange奇怪的 as it may seem I have more to do as Director of NCIS than run around after Tony DiNozzo all day long. I have a whole stack一堆 of paperwork to deal with and a meeting with SECNAV海軍大臣 later. I also want to take a look at what Carter has got out of Stackton before Tony comes charging索價 back in," he said.

「沒錯。奇怪的是身為NCIS主任的我似乎有著比整天追在Tony DiNozzo身後還要多的工作。我有整疊的文件要處理、晚點還有一個海軍大臣的會議。我也想去看看Carter在Tony回來之前拿到了些什麼。」他說。

"Okay. I'll try and keep him out of your hair for as long as I can," Gibbs promised, and then he patted McGee's arm again and strode off after Tony and Ducky.

「好。我會盡力嘗試讓他不脫離你的掌握。」Gibbs保證道，然後再次拍了拍McGee的手臂並走向了Tony和Ducky的方向。

＊＊＊

McGee spent several hours trying to clear at least some of the paperwork that had built up on his desk as a result of his wasted morning, and then he spent the rest of the day and most of the evening in a long, tiring累人的 meeting with SECNAV.

McGee花了數小時努力想至少清除一些在他早上所浪費的時間中像山一樣在他辦公桌上所建造起來的文件，接著他在花了一些時間休息後又花了更長的時間工作到傍晚，然後緊接著的是累人的與海軍大臣的會議。

The new SECNAV had only been in the job for a few months and she was a hard-nosed冷靜的 kind of woman, keen熱心的 to stamp郵票 her mark on her new post. McGee was good at his job and had an excellent memory so he was able to keep up with her habit of barking厲聲 unrelated無關的 questions at him and expecting a thorough徹底 answer － frankly坦白的, an apprenticeship見習期 with Gibbs had left him easily able to cope應付 with even the toughest boss. All the same, he was tired and had a splitting劇烈的 headache by the time he returned to the office. It was nearly 10pm and he knew there was no way he’d be getting home before midnight.

新任的海軍大臣是個冷靜的女人、並且只到任了幾個月，她會敏銳的在文件上做記號。McGee相當能夠駕馭他的工作並且有著出色的記憶力、所以他對於她習慣用嚴厲的聲音來詢問一些無關緊要的問題時也能給出個徹底的答案—坦白地說，在Gibbs身旁的見習期讓他輕易地就能夠應付即使是最難搞的長官。不過同樣地，他在回到辦公室時覺得疲憊以及劇烈的頭痛。時間已經接近晚上十點了、他知道他肯定無法在半夜前到家了。

His assistant was long gone, and he unlocked the door to his office with a relieved緩和 sigh, grateful for the peace and quiet, and then, without turning on the light, he headed over to his desk to find the stash存放 of Advil止痛藥 he kept in his top drawer抽屜. He opened the packet, knocked two into the palm手心 of his hand and then looked around for the bottle瓶子 of water he usually kept on his desk.

他的助理不見很久了，他用一種輕緩的方式關上門並沒有鎖上它，現在這裡安靜極了，然後，他沒有開燈，想起了他在的一個抽屜裡存放了一些止痛藥。他打開蓋子，倒了兩顆藥在掌心並尋找著他通常放在辦公桌上的瓶裝水。

「Want to wash them down with this?」 a voice drawled and he jumped, startled受驚嚇的, and snapped on the desk lamp燈 to see Tony sitting on his couch, legs up on his coffee table, holding up a glass of bourbon - *his* bourbon. The bottle was open on the table in front of him － as was the door of McGee’s wet濕的 bar in the corner街角. McGee felt his jaw tighten － he’d taken enough crap胡言 from Tony today and was in no mood, after a long day and with his thundering headache, to take any more.

「想把它們用水洗一洗？」一道聲音響起然後他跳了起來，他被嚇到了，他接著打開桌燈後就看到Tony正坐在他的沙發上，腳放在他的咖啡桌上，手裡拿著玻璃杯裝著的波本—〝他的〞波本。他找的那瓶瓶裝水也正打開放在他的面前—好像這裡是McGee開的一間街角酒吧小似的。McGee感覺自己的下巴繃緊了—他今天已經受夠了Tony的那些垃圾而現在也沒那心情，在經過了這漫長的一天還有現在伴隨著他的頭痛，都夠了。

「Tony, what the hell are you doing here?」 he growled.

「Tony，你見鬼的在這裡幹什麼？」他咆哮。

「I often come up here when you’re tucked把…塞進 up at home in bed, McGeek,」 Tony told him. 「You keep the best liquor烈酒.」

「當你回家把自己塞在床上時我經常都在這裡，McGeek(麥基客)。」Tony告訴他。「你有著最好的烈酒。」

「How the hell did you get in here? The office door is kept locked,」 McGee snapped.

「你見鬼的是怎麼進來的？辦公室門是鎖的。」他猛地說。

Tony just looked at him as if he’d said something really stupid, which he had; they both knew that Tony could pick撬 just about any lock if he put his mind to it － a trick he’d learned from Gibbs and Ziva.

Tony就只是看著他、好像他說了什麼愚蠢至極的話一樣，因為這項他所會的技能；他們都知道Tony只要專心、他可以打開任何鎖—這是他從Gibbs和Ziva身上所學到的技能。

McGee sighed. 「You come here and drink my whisky － seriously?」

McGee嘆了口氣。「你跑進這裡還喝了我的威士忌—你認真的？」

「No, mostly I come here and spend the night on your couch,」 Tony replied. 「That’s usually after I’ve been drinking although it sure as hell helps knowing that I can get a refill再裝滿 if I need one － that’s an extensive大量的 collection收藏品 of liquor you’ve got there, Probie. Didn’t even know you liked to drink.」

「錯，更像是我跑進這裡並在你的沙發上打發我整個晚上的時間。」Tony回說。「這通常是發生在我已經喝醉卻又還想再喝一杯的時候、這裡見鬼的在我還想再喝上一杯時見鬼的可以提供幫助—你這裡這裡有大量的烈酒收藏品，菜鳥。從來不知道你也喜歡喝酒。」

「I don’t,」 McGee muttered, going over to the table and grabbing the glass of bourbon out of Tony’s hand. 「I keep it to offer to visitors.」

「我才沒有。」McGee咕噥道，他走過去桌子那邊並拿走了Tony手上的酒杯。「我是用來招待客人的。」

He threw both Advil into his mouth and took a deep swallow of the bourbon, making a face as it burned his throat on the way down. Tony held out his hand to have the glass back. McGee glared at him.

他將那兩顆藥或著酒吞了下去，做出了像是他的喉嚨被酒燒著了的表情。Tony抓過他的手好拿回酒杯。McGee瞪向他。

「Hey － you said you keep it for visitors. *I’m* a visitor,」 Tony said.

「嘿—你說你用來招待客人的。〝我是〞一個客人。」Tony說。

「No, right now you’re a trespasser入侵者. You broke into my damn office, Tony!」 McGee snapped. 「Why the hell are you here anyway?」

「不，你現在只是個入侵者。你闖進我該死的辦公室，Tony！」McGee猛地說。「總之你到底見鬼的來這兒幹嘛？」

「Can’t go home. Too drunk. Didn’t know you’d be coming back,」 Tony said. 「Besides, I want to be here first thing tomorrow to interview Stackton.」

「不能回家。喝太醉了。不知道你會回來。」Tony說。「除此之外，我想要在這裡一直待到明天的一件事就是可以見到Stackton。」

「I authorised批准 him to be put in the cells單人牢房 overnight,」 McGee told him. 「And it is not a given that I’ll let you interview him first thing tomorrow, Tony. I want some time to review the interrogation file first － and the pretty damn paltry瑣碎的 paperwork you filed detailing his supposed ＆crime.」

「我批准讓他到單人牢房去過夜了。」McGee告訴他。「還有、這也不代表我答應讓你明天的第一件事是可以見到他，Tony。我想要有些時間先瀏覽過一遍他的審訊文件—還有你遞交給我的那些該死的瑣碎資料文件及犯罪證明。」

「He can lead us to Jonssen － I know it,」 Tony said mulishly.

「他可以領著我們找到Jonssen—我知道。」Tony執拗的說。

「Maybe － or maybe he’s another of your dead ends,」 McGee said tersely. Tony’s expression darkened. 「Either way, I have some work to do － and you are in the way.」

「也許可以—也許他又是你的另一條死路。」McGee簡潔地說。Tony的表情變得陰暗。「不管怎樣，我還有些工作要做—慢走不送。」

「Nah. I’ll just lie here…」 Tony swiped the glass from McGee’s hand and downed the rest of the contents in one gulp. 「You won’t even know I’m here.」

「不，我就待在這裡…」Tony擦過McGee的手並拿回酒杯後又滿足的喝了一大口。「你幾乎不會察覺到我在這裡的。」

McGee thought about it, but he really didn’t like the idea of a drunk Tony DiNozzo ing his head off on his couch all night. He also wasn’t sure what Tony might look at while he was in here － although he was pretty sure he’d have already looked through Carter’s interrogation report which he’d asked to be left on his desk. All the same, Tony had clearly spent some time in a bar this evening and McGee wasn’t sure he was in any fit state to find a hotel room. He could put him in a taxi and send him home but…

McGee在想該怎麼解決，他真的不喜歡一個喝醉的Tony DiNozzo 在他的沙發上耗整晚的這個主意。而他也不知道Tony在這裡到底會看起來是什麼樣子—雖然他相當確定Tony在離開他的辦公桌來這裡之前就已經看過了Carter的審訊報告。同樣地，他在來這裡之前肯定也花了些時間在酒吧裡、McGee甚至不確定他為什麼不乾脆直接就找間旅館住。或許他可以把他丟進計程車裡或是直接送他回家、但…

「Gibbs won’t let you in the house if you’re drunk, will he?」 he asked, remembering what Gibbs had told him earlier, in the restaurant. Tony pulled a face.

「Gibbs不讓你喝醉了還進家門，對嗎？」他問，想起了早先Gibbs告訴過他的，在餐廳的時候。Tony拉下了臉。

「Nah. He’ll just throw my sorry ass out again if I go home like this. Doesn’t want Louis to see his dad stinking drunk.」 He poured倒 some more bourbon into his glass, and then threw his head back and took a long gulp. 「He’s right,」 he slurred含糊地說. 「Used to see my dad drunk all the time when I wasn’t any older than Lou. Had to put him to bed myself some nights later on. Never was a night he went to bed sober. Glad Louis’s got someone looking out for him.」

「不。他只會把我倒楣的屁股再次丟出家門、如果我用這模樣回家的話。他不想讓Louis看見他的爸爸酩酊大醉。」他倒了更多的波本在他的玻璃杯裡，然後將他的頭往後仰並又喝了一大口。「他是對的。」他含糊地說。「當我和Lou年紀差不多時已經習慣看著我爸總是喝得醉醺醺的。有時候晚上還得靠自己想辦法把他弄到床上去。他沒有一個晚上在上床睡覺時是不喝醉的。我很高興有個人能幫我照顧Louis。」

McGee sighed. He wished Tony had had someone like Gibbs looking out for *him* when he’d been a kid － maybe, if he had, he wouldn’t be so hard to handle right now.

McGee嘆了口氣。他希望曾經能有一個人像Gibbs那樣的照顧過〝他〞、在他還小的時候—也許，如果他曾經有過的話，他現在就不會這麼難搞了。

「You’re pissed off with me,」 Tony said. 「I can tell.」 He didn’t seem bothered by it. In fact he just held up the glass again, said 「cheers’」, and downed the rest of the bourbon in one gulp. McGee fought back a wave揮動 of irritation.

「你可以從我身邊滾開了，」Tony說。「我說。」他對此似乎並不覺得怎麼困擾。事實上、他只是再次拿起了玻璃杯，說：「乾杯。」，然後再次一口喝乾了波本。McGee再次感覺到了心底的情緒波動。

「Yes, I’m pissed off with you, Tony,」 he said.

「好，我現在就從你身邊滾開，Tony。」他說。

Tony belched打嗝, loudly, grinned at him stupidly, and then reached for the bottle. He fumbled摸索 with it, still grinning inanely愚蠢地, and something about his drunken stupor恍惚 annoyed打擾 McGee beyond belief. It had been a long day, and his anger spilled out. He grabbed the glass out of Tony’s hand and threw it across the room where it smashed碎裂 against the opposite wall and shattered心煩意亂的 into pieces, leaving a big stain污漬 on the wallpaper.

Tony打了個嗝，非常的大聲，笑看著他像是個笨蛋，然後又繼續去尋找水。他摸索著東西，仍舊笑得很愚蠢，在McGee的相信之下、某些說不出來的東西因為他的酒醉恍惚最終仍是打擾了他。這是個漫長的一天，而他有氣要出。他抓過Tony手中的玻璃杯砸碎向另一端的牆上、覺得滿心心煩意亂，那留下了一個很大的污漬在壁紙上。

「Oops,」 Tony said.

「喔喔。」Tony說。

「Fuck it, Tony!」 Tim yelled, losing control of his temper. 「You drive me fucking insane! I’ve had it with you! Yes, you lost Abby but we all did and we’re not all getting drunk the whole time. You don’t fucking understand what you’ve *got*, and you’re throwing it all away, chasing after revenge and oblivion失去感覺 and…and…the fucking *darkness* rather than just sucking it up and getting on with it, like the rest of us are doing. Do you see Gibbs drinking himself stupid every night of the week, huh? Or me? We lost them too! We all lost Kate, and Ziva, and Abby － not just you!」

「去你的，Tony！」Tim大吼著，他終於控制不住他的脾氣了。「你讓我他媽的覺得愚蠢！我跟你有一樣遭遇！沒錯，你失去了Abby、可就算我們都失去了Abby也沒有像你這樣總是灌醉自己。你他媽的不瞭解你曾經〝得到〞過什麼，然後你把它們都丟到了一邊，追尋著復仇然後失去感覺…還有…還有…寧願與那些該死的〝黑暗的東西〞為伍，就像今天休息時所做的。你看過Gibbs每晚把自己灌醉嗎，吭？或是我？我們都失去了她們！我們都失去了Kate，還有Ziva，還有Abby—不是只有你！」

「Aw. You’re angry. Wanna hit me, Timmy?」 Tony said, pointing at his already bruised jaw. 「Go ahead. Go on. I’ll give you the first one for free.」 His eyes sparkled閃耀 dangerously and McGee knew he was relishing愛好 the thought of a fight.

「哇喔。你在生氣。想打我嗎，Timmy？」Tony說，並指著自己已經有著瘀青的下巴。「打我啊。來啊。我讓你第一下免費。」他的眼神中閃耀著危險的光芒、然而McGee知道他喜好某種意義上的打鬥。

「No I don’t want to fucking hit you! I want to shake you!」 McGee shouted.

「我他媽的根本不想打你！我想把你搖醒！」McGee大聲吼著。

Tony grinned at him, a dark, hostile懷敵意的 grin, and reached across the coffee table for the bottle of bourbon. For some reason that irritated McGee and he launched發動(戰爭) himself over the table to get to the bottle first and remove it from Tony’s reach. Tony shoved撞 him out of the way and McGee shoved him back － hard - harder than he’d intended. Tony took a clumsy笨拙的 swing at him, catching McGee unawares, and connected a feeble虛弱的 blow to McGee’s midriff膈. In sheer exasperation激怒, McGee lashed猛擊 out and landed a swinging搖擺 punch to Tony’s mouth. Tony fell off the couch and onto the floor with an almighty非常 crash碰撞 where he lay, giggling inanely, his lip cut and bleeding.

Tony咧開了嘴笑看著他，一種黑暗，帶著敵意的笑容，然後他越過咖啡桌想去拿波本酒的瓶子。在某種理由之下這惹惱了McGee、他讓自己像發動戰爭似的也越過了辦公桌去先一步地將瓶子自Tony的面前拿走。Tony推了他一把好阻止他、然後McGee也推了回去—用力的—比他預想中的更用力。Tony笨拙地退了幾步，在McGee沒注意到時抓住了他，接著虛弱的一拳打在McGee的橫膈膜上。這完全激怒了他，McGee猛擊向他並一拳打在了他的嘴上。Tony非常大聲地撞倒在了沙發上、地板上，他笑得愚蠢極了，他的下巴上有了正在流血的傷口。

「Tony…shit…」 McGee felt angry with himself for allowing Tony to get to him. He moved towards him and then, a second later, found himself flying through the air as Tony kicked his ankles out from under him. He ended up banging his head against the coffee table and lay there on his ass, gazing blearily模糊地 at Tony who was gazing back at him with a twisted扭轉 grin on his face. 「I fucking hate you, Tony,」 he said.

「Tony…狗屎…」McGee仍在憤怒中、卻允許自己去查看Tony的情況。他往前移動到他的身邊，然後數秒後，發現自己因為Tony踹了一腳他的膝蓋而飛了起來。他最後一屁股跌在了咖啡桌上、頭也撞了上去，他視線模糊地瞪向Tony、後者用臉上扭曲的笑容回瞪回來。「我他媽的討厭你，Tony。」他說。

「Yeah. I know.」 Tony shrugged.

「是啊。我知道。」Tony聳了聳肩。

「You’re such a bastard. I loved her too, Tony. I loved Abby － but she chose *you*. Have you any idea what it was like to stand by and watch the two of you…」

「你真的是個混帳。我也愛她，Tony。我愛Abby—但她選擇了〝你〞。你曾經想過那感覺像是什麼嗎、有兩個人在你的面前…」

He closed his eyes shut tightly. He’d loved Abby for years, ever since he first met her. They’d dated for awhile, many years ago, but she’d never been as into him as he was into her. She’d let him down gently, but she was so nice that he'd mistaken that for meaning that he still had a chance with her. Maybe he’d just never listened to the messages she kept giving him that it was never going to happen between them. In his head he’d just always assumed that it *would*.

他短暫地閉上了眼睛。他愛了Abby好多年了，從他剛認識她開始。他們經常約會，許多年前的時候，但她從未像他那麼的愛她。她溫柔地放開了他，但她太好了、導致他錯誤的以為他仍有機會。也許只是他從未聽進她給他的訊息、他們其實從未開始過。在他腦袋裡總是假定了那些〝可能〞。

Tony, meanwhile, had pursued追求 his life of endless bachelorhood獨身時代 with his usual gusto愛好 － punctuated強調 only by meaningful glances at and a low-level flirtation輕浮的戀愛事件 with Ziva. McGee had never been entirely sure what was between them but he knew they were close, and he suspected that at some point the relationship ended up in the bedroom. He hadn’t been all that interested － he was too fixated注視 on Abby, and on his certainty確實 that they’d one day end up together and all he had to do was hang on in there until she woke up to that certainty too.

Tony，不知何時，他在他的永不結束的獨身時代中追求著他的愛好—這之中甚至與Ziva有著微妙的、接近戀愛的關係。McGee從無法肯定在他們兩人之間的是什麼、但他知道他們很親密，他也猜想過他們的關係可能是終止在床上。他並不是那麼關心那個—他的心力都在Abby身上，他非常肯定他們有一天會在一起、而所有他該做的就是抱住她讓她也確定知道他們的確應該在一起。

Then Ziva had been killed on that horrible可怕的, long, endless day and they’d spent hours freeing Tony from the collapsed倒塌 building where he was trapped. Gibbs had paced around like an angry, caged關在籠子裡的 tiger, yelling at anyone who came near him. At that point he hadn’t known which of his agents was dead and which alive; they had body temperature readings that *someone* was still alive in there, but they didn’t know who. McGee often wondered whether Gibbs was relieved or disappointed that it was Tony. He’d known Tony the longest of all of them and the two men had always had some kind of weird bond, but Ziva was a woman and Gibbs had some old-fashioned views about the women under his command.

然後Ziva就在那可怕的，漫長的，像是永不結束的一天中被殺了、他們花了數小時在倒塌的建築物中搜尋Tony的生機。Gibbs開始變得像隻生氣的，關在籠子裡的老虎，對著每一個靠近他的人怒吼。在那個關鍵時候他不知道他的探員們到誰死了誰又活著；他們有生物體熱探測器說那裡面有〝某個人〞仍舊活著，但他們不知道那會是誰。在那時McGee經常希望無論Gibbs失望與否、那個人會是Tony。他知道Tony是他們之中資歷最長的、而他們兩個男人之間經常也有著某種莫名的連結，但是Ziva是個女人、並且Gibbs對於女人有種老派的保護欲。

Tony had been half dead when they finally dragged緩慢費力的行進 him out, and Gibbs…well, it was as if someone had turned back the clock to when Kate had been killed － only worse. Tony was in the hospital for weeks － he had more broken bones than McGee could count, and it had been touch and go whether they’d save his left arm. He’d been left with terrible scarring there but even worse than that was the fact that the light seemed to have gone out of him.

當他們費盡九牛二虎之力找到Tony時、他幾乎只剩下了半條命，而Gibbs看起來…well，如果有人能將時間退回到Kate被殺的那時候的話—看起來比那更糟。Tony在醫院裡待了好幾周—他斷裂的骨頭多到McGee算不出來，最嚴重的是他的左手。他看起來像是從一個恐怖的地方離開了、但事實上更糟的卻是他看起來像是失去了生命的光芒。

When McGee visited him in the hospital he found him subdued順從的, unable to make his usual stupid jokes, and prone易於… to obsessing about those few hours leading up to the bomb blast爆炸 and if they could have done anything differently. What he never talked about, to McGee at least, were those dark hours he’d spent trapped in that burned out building, with bits of Ziva’s body all around him, knowing she was dead and trying to come to terms with that as he lay there badly injured.

當McGee去醫院探望他時卻發現他變得順從了，不再開那些愚蠢的玩笑，並且變得容易沉迷在那些關於這爆炸案的線索中、直到他們給了他其他的東西為止。他從未提及過那件事，至少對McGee是這樣，在他被困在毀損大樓的那幾個黑暗小時中，在Ziva的身體碎塊散落在他周遭時，他知道她已經死了卻只能躺在那裡任由自己被嚴重的傷害著。

That was the first time McGee had witnessed目擊者 the dark well of anger inside of Tony that he’d since become all too familiar with. Looking back, he thought that maybe that was when Tony had begun to change, although none of them had been aware of it at the time. The only people he had responded to對…有反應, in those first few weeks after the bomb blast, were Gibbs and Abby.

那是McGee第一次見證到了那些黑暗的東西是如何在Tony的身上起了影響。現在看起來，他覺得那可能就是Tony改變的開始，雖然在當時他們沒有人發現了這件事。在爆炸案後他剛出院的幾周，他唯一有反應的對象，是Gibbs和Abby。

Gibbs visited him whenever he could tear himself away from tracking down the people who’d killed Ziva and putting several bullets in them, the way he’d done with Ari, and with the man who’d killed his family. Abby went to see Tony every day though － and McGee realised for the first time that she and Tony had a strange bond that went way back, to a time long before he'd joined NCIS. They had both always had a certain childlike quality to them － or just plain直率的 childish in Tony’s case － and now they clung to each other like children. At first he’d dismissed駁回 their growing closeness as just her warm heart reaching out伸出 to his obvious distress悲痛, but it had slowly dawned on him that it was turning into something more than that.

當他開始折磨自己去追尋與Ziva之死有關的線索及人、並且將自己變成一個混帳時Gibbs去拜訪了他，因為那與他之前追蹤Ari時一個樣，也和他的家人被那個人殺掉時一樣。Abby也開始每天去找Tony—McGee在最初將之解釋為她與Tony之間的神祕聯繫又回來了，那段時間持續直到他重新加入了NCIS。他們確實總是都有著孩子氣的特質—或者是只在Tony的案子中表現出直率幼稚—而現在他們像個孩子似的依附著彼此。一開始他對自己駁回了他們越走越近的理由、並讓自己相信這是因為她溫柔的心地對他明顯的悲痛伸出援手，直到他發現他們之間不只如此時、對他來說一切都已經太慢、來不及了。

When he finally confronted遭遇 her about it they had a big argument爭吵 － largely his fault he thought, in retrospect自省.

最後他終於與她對此事有了一番激烈的爭論—他自省，他覺得這是他犯下的巨大錯誤。

「You’re sleeping with Tony?」 he accused被告 after finding out that she’d spent every night since Tony’s release from the hospital at his apartment. 「Tony? For god’s sake, Abby! How long do you think that’ll last? Tony’s incapable不可能的 of loving any woman for longer than a month!」

「妳和Tony睡過了？」他控訴地說、源於他發現她自從Tony出院後就每天在他的公寓裡過夜。「和Tony？看在老天的份上，Abby！妳覺得這可以持續多久？Tony不可能愛上一個女人超過一個月的！」

「Don’t be an idiot, McGee,」 she said, her face looking strained緊張的 and taut. 「Me and Tony…well, it was kind of always going to happen. It just had to wait until we both grew up a bit.」

「別表現像個笨蛋，McGee。」她說，她的臉看起來緊張且緊繃。「我和Tony…well，這算是某種早晚會發生的事。它只是在等著我們都長大。」

「What? What do you mean *always* going to happen?」 he asked, totally mystified困惑. 「Since when?」

「什麼？妳說的〝早晚〞會發生是什麼意思？」他問，表情充滿了困惑。「從什麼時候開始？」

「Since we first met.」 She shrugged. 「We both knew we’d get around to it one day.」

「打從我們一開始認識的時候。」她聳了聳肩。「我們都知道我們總有一天會這樣。」

He just stared at her, totally and utterly unable to get his head around what she was saying.

他只是瞪著她，完全的、徹底的無法理解她到底在說什麼。

「We just had to walk on the wild side a bit first,」 she added with a grin. 「Both of us. Him and all his girlies, and me and all my crazies. Now we’re done with that. We’re kind of getting a bit too old for it as well. It’s okay to sleep in a coffin棺材 and make out with vampire wannabes when you’re in your twenties, but it gets totally uncool when you’re heading past 35.」

「我們只是開始時需要走在界線的另一邊。」她咧笑著補充說。「我們都是。他和他的那些女人，還有我和我的那些瘋狂夥伴。現在我們的那些都結束了。從某方面來說我們去做這些事情都太老了。當你二十歲的時候睡在棺材或是把自己扮成像是吸血鬼那很ＯＫ，但當你即將邁入35歲時那可就一點都不酷了。」

「I think you’re both completely insane,」 he told her.

「我想你們兩個都非常愚蠢。」他對著她說。

「McGee,」 she said softly, patting his arm. 「Don’t be like this. You and me － that was a long time ago, and Tony needs me right now. I have to be there for him.」

「McGee，」她溫柔地喚著，輕拍了拍他的臂膀。「別這樣。你和我之間—那是很久以前的事情了，而現在Tony需要我。我需要在他身邊。」

「Well don’t come running to me when it ends in tears － and it will.」

「那麼當妳哭著和他分手時別跑來找我—它會發生的。」

「Hey.」 She pulled him into a big hug and he hung there stiffly僵硬地, until finally it was too much for him and he gave in, and surrendered投降. It was always impossible to hold out against Abby for long. 「I’ll always love you, Timmy. You know that,」 she whispered in his ear.

「嘿。」她將他拉進一個大擁抱裡、而他生硬地回抱了她，在最後的這刻裡這對他來說太多了、但他仍是給予了，然後他放棄了。他總是無法抵抗Abby太久。「我會永遠愛你的，Timmy。你知道的。」她悄聲的在他耳邊說。

He did know that, but it hadn’t made it any easier. He had been wrong about her relationship with Tony ending in tears as well. It hadn’t. In fact, they’d been obviously and deliriously happy for a couple of years, and McGee had been forced to suck it up, and learn how to live with it. He’d been the best man at their wedding, even though it had hurt to stand there and watch Gibbs walk Abby down the aisle通道 in a black silk絲 dress and deliver傳送 her up to Tony of all people.

他確實知道，但這並不會讓一切好過許多。他所說的那些她與Tony的關係會哭著結束的這點也錯了。那並未發生。事實上，他們明顯令人高興地結婚了好幾年，然後McGee學著在其中得到力量，並學著如何與之共存。在他們結婚時他成為了最好的男人，即使當時站在那裡看著Gibbs在所有人面前牽著穿上黑色絲質禮服的Abby走過通道並將她的手交給Tony時那很痛。

Tony had never hurt her though, the way McGee had thought he would － although he was pretty sure that Gibbs had taken Tony to one side and promised to break all the *other* bones in his body if he ever hurt his beloved Abby. Whether it was because of that, or whether it was because he'd just finally grown up, Tony clearly doted溺愛 on her and never looked at another woman from the minute they got together. Abby just as clearly adored Tony and was as happy as McGee had ever seen her, and, in time, he had grudgingly had to admit, to himself at least, that he’d been wrong, and somehow this most unlikely of couples worked - which made it all the more devastating驚人的 when Abby had been killed.

Tony從未傷害過Abby，用McGee想像中的方式—雖然他很確定Gibbs肯定有將Tony帶到角落去並要求他不準用任何方式傷害他所愛的Abby、否則他就會打斷他〝其他地方〞的骨頭。無論是否是因為如此，或者無論是否是因為他真的長大了，Tony一整個溺愛她並且在他們在一起的時候從未有哪怕是一分鐘看向別的女人。Abby就像Tony喜愛她一樣的喜愛他、她的表情是McGee認識她以來最開心的，以及，到了此時，他才不情願地承認，對他自己來說終於，他知道自己錯了，無論如何這不像是個因為結成了夫妻所以不得不的工作—它看起來是那麼樣的驚人、在Abby被殺害之前。

「Here, Probie, if you’re going to go getting all dark and maudlin傷感 on me then you’ll need this,」 Tony said, snapping him back to the present, handing him the bottle of bourbon. McGee took it, threw his head back, and took a deep gulp of the fiery燃燒般的 liquid液體.

「這裡，菜鳥，如果你想要回憶任何有關我的黑暗事情或是傷感事情的話那麼你需要這個，」Tony說，突然給了他一個禮物，遞過了波本酒瓶。McGee接過了它，甩了甩頭，然後喝了一大口那像是會燃燒的液體。

Tony laid back against the couch, blood seeping滲出 out of his split撕裂 lip and running down his chin.

Tony躺回了沙發上，血從他裂開的嘴唇中流出並流到了下巴上。

「She wasn’t even supposed to be here that day,」 McGee muttered, taking another deep slug of the bourbon. 「She was still on maternity產婦醫院 leave but her replacement just wasn't as good, and couldn’t get the forensics to pan out, and she had dropped into the office with Louis and I mentioned it to her…I shouldn’t have done that.」

「她那天根本不應該出現在這裡。」McGee咕噥道，又喝了一大口波本。「她才剛從婦產醫院離開但因為她的代班人員不夠好，而且沒有辦法給出足夠的鑑證資訊，所以她丟下Louis跑到辦公室來就因為我提到了她…我不應該那麼做的。」

「You didn’t know, Probie,」 Tony sighed.

「你不知道她在，菜鳥。」Tony嘆氣。

「But it’s always stayed with me!」 McGee said savagely, staring at the bottle of bourbon in his hands. 「If I hadn’t asked for her help…」

「但這念頭總是如影隨形！」McGee粗暴地說，視線直盯著手中的波本酒瓶。「如果我沒有問她是否能來幫忙…」

「She was the best - of course you asked her, Probie,」 Tony said softly. 「Besides, you weren’t Director then so it’s not like you ordered her to help out. She wanted to.」

「她是最好的—當然你會問她，菜鳥。」Tony溫柔地說。「除此之外，當時你仍不是處長、所以這不算是你命令她來幫忙。是她自己想要幫忙的。」

「I know. I know.」 McGee shook his head, took another gulp of bourbon, and handed the bottle to Tony, who took it with a twisted little smile.

「我知道。我知道。」McGee搖著頭，又喝了另一口波本，然後將酒瓶交給了Tony，後者給了他一個古怪的笑容。

「I could have stopped her too,」 Tony said. 「I was senior agent and you and she were both on my team. Hell, we all could have stopped her but there was no reason to think anything would happen to her.」

「我也可以阻止她的。」Tony說。「我是最資深的探員、而你和她都在我的隊伍裡。見鬼，我們都有機會可以阻止她、但卻沒有理由去想到任何可能發生在她身上的事情。」

McGee remembered how they’d all looked after Louis together in the squad room while Abby worked in her lab for a few days. It had been such a great time － the first time since Ziva had died that he felt they’d all pulled together as a team again, and it had started to feel like it used to, back in the old days. Of course, looking back, he realised that was the last time he’d felt that way. A few days later Abby had been killed inside her own lab － and all the evidence she’d been working on had been destroyed as well.

McGee仍然記得那些日子裡當Abby在實驗室工作時、他們則是在小組辦公室中照看著Louis。那像是個偉大的時刻—那是在Ziva死後他們第一次聚在一起時覺得又像一個隊伍了，而且他們開始覺得可以習慣，像是回到從前一樣。當然，回過頭來看，那也是最後一次他這麼覺得了。數天後Abby在她的實驗室裡被殺害—而所有她正在努力的證據也隨著那天一起被毀了。

Jonssen had walked free and then fled逃走 immediately, before he could be called in for more questioning on a number of outstanding unsolved未解決的 crimes he was linked to, and Tony had made it his life’s work ever since to track the bastard down. It wasn’t a goal目標 that McGee was unsympathetic不同情的 to － they all wanted to catch Abby’s killer. He was pretty sure that Gibbs would have been the first in line for that particular crusade聖戰 if it hadn’t been for Louis. Someone had to take care of the baby, and Tony had been a wreck被毀滅 for several months. Gibbs had just assumed the responsibility責任 with typical典型的 efficiency效率 and lack需要 of fanfare.

Jonssen在他還是自由之身時就消失了，在他們準備將他叫來詢問許多與他有關的、未解決的重要犯罪問題之前，然後就是Tony用他接下來所有的人生去追尋每一條可以抓到這混帳的線索。這不是首要的目的、所以McGee並不同情他—他們都想抓到殺了Abby的兇手。他相當確定如果今天沒有Louis的話、Gibbs肯定是第一個參加這場聖戰的人。必須要有某個人來照顧寶寶，而Tony已經失意好幾個月了。是Gibbs用他一貫的值得人誇耀的效率扛起了這個責任。

McGee watched Tony take a slug of bourbon and then hand the bottle back to him. Tony’s back was against the couch, while McGee was propped up against the coffee table. His head hurt and he could feel a little trickle滴 of blood seeping out of the cut on the side of his forehead前額. Tony looked even worse － the split lip McGee had given him just adding to his other facial臉部的 injuries from earlier in the day, giving him a battered look.

McGee看著Tony喝了一口波本然後又將瓶子遞還給他。Tony的背靠在沙發上，與此同時McGee的腳則是放在咖啡桌上。他的頭受傷了而且他可以感覺到有血絲正從傷口處往下滴到他的額前。Tony看起來更糟—McGee造成的那個嘴唇破裂的傷口在他早先已是受傷的臉又添了一筆，看起來更精彩了。

「I’m sorry I hit you, Tony,」 McGee said.

「我很抱歉我打了你，Tony。」McGee說。

「Nah － I deserved it.」 Tony shrugged. 「I’m sorry I tripped you － you’ve been a good friend to me, Tim. And I know how you felt about Abby. I guess we all felt that way. I know it’s not just me who…I know you all miss her too. I just can’t…」 His hands curled捲曲的 up into fists. 「I can’t stop myself, Tim － you know that.」

「不了—我應得的。」Tony聳聳肩。「我很抱歉我用話刺激你—你對我來說是個很好的朋友，Tim。而且我也知道你對Abby的感覺。我猜我們的感覺是一樣的。我知道不只是我…我知道你也想念她。我只是無法…」他握緊了拳頭。「我無法阻止我自己，Tim—你知道那種感覺。」

「Yeah. I know,」 McGee sighed. He glanced at the stained wall and the shattered shards瓷器的碎片 of glass all over the floor. 「Shit. I should clear this up before Gary comes in tomorrow.」

「是的。我知道。」McGee嘆氣。他看向滿是污漬的牆壁及滿地的玻璃碎片。「狗屎。我應該在明天Gary進來之前把這裡打掃乾淨。」

「McGee! You’re the goddamned director!」 Tony laughed. 「Who the hell cares if your assistant sees a broken glass? Maybe he’ll just figure you had a good night for once, McAll-work-and-no-play.」

「McGee！你是個天殺的處長！」Tony笑出來。「誰見鬼的會去在意你的助理看見了這些玻璃碎片？也許他會到處向人描繪你曾經有個絕佳的夜晚，麥工作狂(McAll-work-and-no-play)。」

「Someone has to keep this place running.」

「總是要有個人讓這裡保持運轉。」

「Well, it’s not my idea of fun. I’m glad I turned the job down.」 Tony grinned at him provocatively挑釁地.

「好吧，對我來說這可不是個有趣的主意。我很高興我拒絕了那份工作。」Tony挑釁地笑看著他說。

「Tony! They never asked you!」

「Tony！他們從沒問過你！」

「They would have if I’d been interested,」 Tony said with a wink.

「他們會的、如果我表現出有興趣的話。」Tony邊說邊使著眼色。

「Tony － you were being investigated by the FBI for the what － seventh time? - when the job became vacant. Trust me; you weren’t even on the list!」

「Tony—你已經被FBI調查幾次了—七次？—當這個職位空缺時。相信我，你甚至絕對不在名單上了！」

「Sixth,」 Tony said, with a wounded pout. 「Also, the first few times weren’t my fault － first time it was Abby’s weird怪誕的 forensics法庭的 gremlin小精靈 making trouble for me. Second it was Jeanne wanting revenge for the many crimes of love I committed忠誠的 there.」

「是六次。」Tony說，並噘起了嘴。「而且，最開始的那幾次可不是我的錯—第一次是Abby在法庭上那些奇怪的惹麻煩小精靈製造了問題給我。第二次是Jeanne當時因為愛我而想要對那些犯行復仇。」

「Third time Gibbs covered for you,」 McGee said.

「第三次是Gibbs掩護你。」McGee說。

「Yeah. And the fourth,」 Tony agreed.

「沒錯。還有第四次也是。」Tony贊同地說。

「And the fifth time *I* covered for you,」 McGee pointed out.

「然後第五次是〝我〞掩護你的。」McGee指出。

「Yeah.」 Tony grinned. 「Thanks for that, Probie.」

「沒錯。」Tony咧齒笑著。「那次謝啦，菜鳥。」

「And the sixth time Agent Sacks took pity憐憫 on you,」 McGee sighed. 「You’re lucky that way, Tony.」

「然後第六次是Sacks探員同情你。」McGee嘆了口氣。「你在這方面上真是個幸運兒，Tony。」

「Don’t want anyone’s pity, Probie,」 Tony said, taking back the bourbon from McGee. McGee thought that although Tony had several hours head start on him, he was catching him up fast in the being drunk on his ass stakes賭注. 「Besides, Sacks just gave in eventually to the legendary傳奇的 DiNozzo charm魅力. They all do in the end － it's only a matter of time － although in his case, I grant准許 you, a *lot* of time, but hey, the guy’s as stubborn as Fornell, may he rest in peace.」

「別指望任何人的同情，菜鳥。」Tony說，並從McGee那裡拿回了波本。McGee在想Tony已經在他身上花了好幾個小時了，他下了爛賭注在他身上、想抓住他喝醉的第一時間。「另外，Sacks終於感受到傳奇式的DiNozzo魅力了。他們最後都感受到了—這是理所當然的事—即使那是他的案子，我同意你的說法，〝有些〞時候，不過、嘿，即使是像Fornell這麼難搞的，肯定也感受到了。」

McGee grinned, because for a moment that sounded a little like the old Tony, all monstrous怪異的 exaggeration誇張 and misplaced不合時宜的 confidence信心.

McGee笑得咧出了牙齒，因為這時候的他聽起來有點像是以前的Tony了，那些怪異的誇張說法及不合時宜的自信心。

「Anyway, I’m just saying I *could* have made Director, although I think we both know I’d have been lousy討厭的 at it. Like Gibbs would have been if they’d ever been stupid enough to offer it to him.」 They both paused for a moment to shudder發抖 at that thought. 「And hell, you’re a good director, Tim, better than any of the others I’ve worked for － ＆cept maybe Morrow. I liked that guy.」

「總之，我只是說了我〝可以〞當個處長，雖然我想我們都知道我有點讓人討厭。就像是Gibbs也可以當、如果他們足夠愚蠢到給他這個命令的話。」他們同時暫停下來並為了這個想像而抖了一下。「還有、見鬼，你是個好處長，Tim，比任何我工作過的人都好—除了Morrow。我喜歡這傢伙。」

McGee reached over to swipe碰擦 the bottle back from him. 「Nearly差不多 gone,」 he complained, looking at it.

McGee喝了一大口酒後將瓶子塞還給他。「快喝完了。」他抱怨著，然後看著它。

「You’ve got more in the bar.」 Tony gestured with his head.

「你在酒吧裡喝夠多了。」Tony的頭晃了晃。

They sat there in silence for a long time, and then McGee remembered something.

他們都沉默了好長一段時間，然後McGee想起了某件事。