一笑軒

 Author's Notes: Flesh and Blood was so perfect and complete as it was, that I almost didn't want to write a post-ep. Then this idea came to me, and I found I wanted to explain the air of easy intimacy親暱 between Tony and Gibbs in that final scene場警 and invent虛構 a back story to go with it, as well as doing a little 'what happened next' :-)

Flesh and Blood(7*12副標題)真的是非常完美並且完全如同他字面上的涵義一般，它是如此的完美、我幾乎不需要去寫後續的故事。接著這個靈感找上了我，然後我發現我想去解釋在最後的場景中那些縈繞在Tony及Gibbs周遭空氣中過分簡單的親暱氛圍、進而我虛構了這個被隱藏的故事去敘述它，就好像我在做一個很短的陳述〝接下來會發生什麼〞。

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by Xanthe

Tony picked up some beers on his way home – they'd run out a couple of days ago, but between the case and the complication混亂 of his father being in town, he hadn't had time to go and buy any. He'd been living at Gibbs's house ever since he got back unexpectedly意外地 early from his stint停止 as an agent afloat飄浮著的 eighteen months ago. He'd sub-let分租 his own apartment, so Gibbs had allowed him to bunk臨時睡覺處 down in his guest room. It had started out as a temporary arrangement準備工作, but had turned into something more permanent固定的 a few months later.

Tony在回家的路上帶了些啤酒—啤酒好幾天前就喝完了，但由於案子的關係還有他父親來到了這個城市所造成的混亂，所以他沒有時間去買。自從他八個月前意外的停止了海上探員的工作後他就住在Gibbs的房子裡。因為他已經將自己的公寓給分租出去了，所以Gibbs同意了暫時讓他睡在他的客房裡。這一開始只是像有個暫時性的安排而已，但最後在這幾個月過去後卻變得有點像是固定下來了。

Tony smelled the steak cooking the minute he walked through the door and that gave him a warm feeling inside. It had been a hell of a couple of days and chargrilled炭烤 ribeye肋脊肉was his favourite comfort food – as Gibbs knew very well. That was why it was cooking on the fire right now - not that Gibbs would ever say as much.

Tony在進門的當下就聞到了牛排的味道、而這讓他的心底感覺到一陣溫暖。見鬼的這幾天來簡直就跟在地獄裡沒什麼兩樣、而碳烤肋排可是最能慰勞他的美味食物—Gibbs肯定非常知道這點。那就是為什麼現在火爐上正烤著肋排的原因—就像Gibbs從來不會多說什麼一樣。

"Ah, steak, cowboy style – I love it," Tony said as he entered the room, and Gibbs gave a wry smile, maybe because he knew what a completely useless沒有用的 cowboy Tony would make ever since that trip旅行 to Arizona美國亞利桑那州the previous year.

「啊，牛排，牛仔風味—我愛死這個了。」Tony在走進房間時這麼說著，然後Gibbs給了他一個斜眼，也許是因為他知道那根本是沒用的，即使幾年前Tony沒去Arizona（美國亞利桑那州）旅行，牛仔小子Tony還是會這麼說。

Tony liked to refer論及 to that trip as 'our Brokeback moment', which always earned him an eye-roll from Gibbs. But he could date the start of their relationship back to that cave where they’d stopped to eat and sleep. Tony had been aware of the tension張力 in the air when Gibbs had asked him if he intended to leave NCIS if he inherited a fortune from his Uncle Clive. Tony had been nonplussed at the time. He hadn't even thought about it. He hadn't thought about anything except getting his hands on all that money and going on a giant spending spree狂飲作樂 that included buying the biggest, reddest Ferrari he could find.

Tony喜歡把那次旅行比喻成〝屬於我們的斷臂時刻〞，而這總是會贏得Gibbs的白眼。但從他們停留在那個山洞吃飯睡覺的那一天開始、的確可以算做他們交往的開始。Tony注意到當Gibbs問他是否會離開NCIS、是否會繼承他叔叔Clive的遺產時兩人之間空氣中的緊張味道。Tony在那時顯得不知所措。他甚至沒有想過那個。除了抓著大把大把鈔票然後到處去盡情狂歡作樂，而這甚至包括了買一台他所能找到的最大的，紅得最耀眼的法拉利之外，他還沒認真的想過其他的事情。

So he hadn't had an answer for Gibbs's question. And by the time they'd got back from Arizona his boss was in a foul惡劣的 mood and barely talking beyond a series of grunts, which, in Gibbs-speak, Tony translated as meaning his boss was extremely極其 pissed off with him. He just wasn't sure *why*.

所以對於Gibbs的問題他還沒有答案。而自從離開Arizona的那天開始、他的Boss就處於一種惡劣的心情中並且幾乎不說話只勉強哼個幾聲，以Gibbs式的說話方式來看，Tony翻譯出這是他的Boss非常生他的氣的意思。他只是不確定到底是〝為什麼〞。

"Look, if I do inherit the money at least I'll be able to move out and get out of your hair," he’d said as they walked into Gibbs's living room. He was tired from all that damn horse-riding, to say nothing of having to put up with a monosyllabic單音節的, glaring Gibbs on the journey home.

「聽著，如果我最後繼承那筆錢的話至少我就會搬出去並且走出你的視線。」他在他們走向Gibbs的客廳時這麼說。他已經厭倦了那些硬碰硬的方式，還有說些言不及義的話卻只得到個單音節的回答，並且在回家的旅程上只能盯著Gibbs看。

Gibbs had thrown his duffel against the wall with such force it split open, spilling out a sweat-stained出汗弄髒 tee shirt and the latest Jack Reacher novel. Tony turned, startled.

Gibbs將粗呢包包用力地丟向牆邊導致它打了開，裡面掉出來一件已經髒了的Ｔ恤及一本Jack Reacher最新的小說。Tony轉身，瞪著。

"Okay, okay, I get the message! I know I've outstayed my welcome. I figure it's bad enough you having to see me every day at work without coming home to find me cluttering up your house as well," he sighed.

「好吧，好吧，我懂你意思了！我知道我已經不受歡迎了。我猜你覺得每天工作都看到我回家還要發現我搞得一團混亂實在是糟糕透了。」他嘆口氣。

Gibbs stood there, hands on his hips, looking as mad as Tony had ever seen him.

Gibbs站在那裡，手插腰放在屁股的位置上，Tony從沒看過他這麼生氣。

"You want me to leave now? Right this minute? Fine. It's okay, I know I can be annoying." He had known Gibbs would get fed up忍無可忍的 with having him around eventually. It was inevitable不可避免的. Everyone did. "Heck, sometimes I even think my mom died on purpose just to get away from me," he said, trying to make a joke of it and somehow…failing.

「你想要我現在就離開？就是現在？好。這沒關係。我知道我可以變得很煩人。」他知道Gibbs終於對他在他周遭的生活感到了忍無可忍。這是無可避免的。每個人都是這樣。「嘿，有時候我甚至在想我媽死掉的目的其實只是為了躲開我吧。」他這麼說著，試著用開玩笑的方式帶過但不知怎麼地…失敗了。

"Don't be an idiot," Gibbs told him.

「別像個笨蛋。」Gibbs告訴他。

"Oops. Too late." Tony made a face at him. "Look, you should have just told me earlier. See, thing is, I've enjoyed staying with you, Boss. I know I should have got my act表現 together穩定的 before now and started looking for somewhere else to live, but it's been good. I liked it." He bit on his lip. "And it seemed like you were okay with having me around."

「嗚喔。太晚了。」Tony對他做了個鬼臉。「聽著，只是你應該早點告訴我的。你看，事情是這樣的，我很享受跟你在一起，Boss。我知道我應該在這之前就表現得正常點還有應該在外面找個地方住，但是這感覺實在太好了。我喜歡這樣。」他咬著嘴唇。「而且看起來對於我在身邊你挺ＯＫ的？」

It had certainly felt that way. They'd gotten into a routine of being together and sharing the house. They didn’t really talk about it, but somehow they’d ended up splitting the chores – like Tony buying the beer, and Gibbs the steak; Tony taking out the trash, and Gibbs doing the dishes. They just got along. It felt easy.

這的確感覺起來像這樣子。待在一起及分享這間房子對他們來說似乎變成了稀鬆平常的事。他們並沒有真的談論過這方面的事情，但不知何時開始他們分配了家庭雜務—像是Tony負責啤酒，Gibbs負責牛排；Tony負責丟垃圾，而Gibbs負責洗碗。他們只是就這樣開始了。那感覺很簡單。

Sometimes Tony spent the evenings in his room watching DVDs while Gibbs worked on his boat, and sometimes they spent evenings together in the living room, sitting on the couch, side by side, drinking beer. Sometimes Gibbs read – he had a real thing for thrillers - and Tony sat beside him, feet resting on the coffee table, listening to his iPod and flicking through GSM or Premiere magazine.

有時候晚上當Gibbs在搞他的船時Tony就待在房間看他的那些DVD，而有時候晚上他們會一起待在客廳，坐在沙發上，彼此靠著，喝著啤酒。有時候Gibbs在讀書—他有一些真實事件改編的恐怖小說—而Tony就坐在他身邊，腳放在咖啡桌上，聽著他的iPod然後玩著他的行動電話或是Premiere雜誌。

And sometimes, on Saturday nights, Tony managed to persuade說服 Gibbs to go to the movies with him. Afterwards之後 they always went for a coffee, and Tony always analysed分析 every single detail of the movie while Gibbs just sat there, looking at Tony over the rim of his coffee mug and occasionally saying "uh-huh" whenever Tony stopped for breath. It had been good. Tony had never been happier in his life.

還有些時候，在周六晚上，Tony會想辦法說服Gibbs和他一起去看電影。之後他們會一起去喝杯咖啡，然後Tony總是會分析電影中的每一個細節而Gibbs就只是坐在那裡，看著Tony臉上一圈的咖啡泡泡下巴還有當Tony停下喘息時偶爾給個「嗯哼」當回應。這樣很好。Tony在他的生命中從未感到如此快樂過。

Clearly it'd only been good for him though, and Gibbs had been barely tolerating容忍 having him around.

雖然這樣好的感覺很顯然只有他才感受到，而Gibbs僅僅只是勉強容忍他在身邊而已。

Gibbs was still glaring at him.

Gibbs仍只是盯著他看。

"But I guess I got that wrong. I guess you were just being polite客氣的," Tony said. Gibbs's glare turned into a look of incredulity懷疑. "I'll go then," Tony said quietly. He picked up his bag and inched slowly past Gibbs on his way to the door.

「不過我猜我應該是想錯了。我猜你只是表現得客氣而已。」Tony說。Gibbs的視線轉而成了懷疑。「我馬上就走。」Tony靜靜地說。他拿起了他的包並緩慢地路過Gibbs走向大門。

"That it?" Gibbs growled as he reached out a shaking hand to open the door. "The minute you hear you're gonna come in for a truckload of money, you can't wait to move the hell outta here?"

「就這樣？」Gibbs咆哮著當他發現一隻顫抖的手準備打開大門時。「當你知道自己可以有一卡車的錢時，你就見鬼的迫不及待想搬離這裡？」

Tony paused, puzzled. He turned to find Gibbs looking like he was about to explode. Tony tried to figure out what the hell was going on here.

Tony停頓下來，並困惑著。他轉身並發現Gibbs似乎就在了爆炸邊緣。他試著想像出這裡到底見鬼的是怎麼回事。

"Isn't that what you want?" he asked, bemused發呆的. "For me to leave? That's what this is about, right? You want me to move out?"

「這不是你想要的嗎？」他問，看起來有點呆滯。「叫我離開？這就是全部的原因？你希望我搬出去？」

"That what I said?" Gibbs demanded.

「那是我說的意思？」Gibbs要求地問。

They both stared at each other. Then Tony gave a big grin. "Oh, you're mad at me because you *don't* want me to move out!" he said, feeling unbearably不能忍受地 relieved. "Damn it, Gibbs – why didn't you just say that?"

他們都瞪著彼此。然後Tony給了一個大大的笑容。「噢，你對我生氣是因為你〝不〞想要我搬出去！」他說，感覺到無法自制的放鬆。「該死的，Gibbs—你為什麼不直接說？」

"Why do I have to state the damn obvious? Why the hell did you assume I didn't want you around?"

「為什麼我必須說出這該死的明顯事實？為什麼你見鬼的會認為我不想要你在我身邊打轉？」

"Maybe 'cause my dad could never spend more than a week in my company before farming me off on some bellboy旅館大廳的服務生 or concierge旅館服務臺職員somewhere – or finding a summer camp that'd have me at short notice," Tony retorted.

「也許是因為我老爸從沒陪我超過一周而在那之前他還把我丟給某間旅館大廳的服務生或是門房—或是找到一個可以吸引我短暫注意力的暑期夏令營。」Tony反擊道。

"I'm not your damn father, Tony!"

「我不是你該死的爸爸，Tony！」

"I know that!"

「我知道！」

They both glared at each other some more.

他們都瞪著對方好一段時間。

"Why couldn't you just say it?" Tony demanded. "Why couldn't you just say, 'Tony, I like having you around, and I'm gonna be pissed off if you inherit this money and move out?'"

「為什麼你不能就是把它說出來？」Tony要求道。「為什麼你不能就是說，『Tony，我喜歡你在我身邊，而且如果你要繼承那筆錢還有從這裡搬出去的話我會很生氣』？」

“Be more like you, you mean? Talk and talk just to avoid避開 sayin’ what’s really important?” Gibbs muttered darkly.

「所以我就要像你一樣，你是這意思？不停的說話又說話卻避開什麼是真的最重要的？」Gibbs沉聲咕噥道。

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

「那到底見鬼的是指什麼意思？」

Gibbs moved a step closer, so close that their chests were almost touching. Tony could feel his own chest heaving with some big, unexpressed *thing* that was making him mad, and he didn't even know what it was, or why.

Gibbs移了一步讓他們更靠近，近到他們的胸膛幾乎要碰觸到。Tony可以感覺到他的胸膛因為某種巨大的，無法解釋的〝東西〞而有節奏地起伏著並生氣著，但他甚至不知道那是什麼，或是為什麼。

"Christ! Do I have to spell it out for you?" Gibbs demanded.

「老天！難道我還要拚給你聽嗎？」Gibbs要求地問道。

Tony could feel the heat radiating輻射 off his boss. Every muscle in Gibbs’s body seemed to be taut with tension, stretched almost to breaking point.

Tony可以感覺到他Boss的激動就像輻射一樣地感染了出來。每塊在Gibb身上的肌肉都被拉得緊繃，緊繃到幾乎就要超出它所能承受的極限。

"What d'you mean 'spell it out'? Look, I've been working with you for eight years - I practically差不多 have a degree in 'Gibbs-speak' - but sometimes it's not easy differentiating one set of grunts and ‘uh-huh’s from another, or translating them into something that makes any damn sense!"

「你說的〝拚給你聽〞是什麼意思？聽著，我已經和你一起工作八年了—我也差不多已經要拿到〝Gibbs式語言〞的學位了—但有的時候要區分出哼聲和『嗯哼』，或是將它們翻譯出該死的適合答案也不是件簡單的事好嗎！」

Gibbs looked exasperated. It was like they were speaking two different languages and neither of them could get through to the other and make himself understood.

Gibbs看起來像是被激怒了。這狀況看起來像是他們兩個正在說著不一樣的語言並且完全無法讓對方還有自己了解到底是在說些什麼。

"It's got nothin’ to do with the damn words, DiNozzo!" Gibbs's blue eyes were flashing sparks at him. "Christ, want me to make it simple for ya?"

「這跟這些話根本無關，DiNozzo！」Gibbs的藍色眼睛閃著某種訊號。「老天，想要我弄得簡單點給你看？」

"Be nice, Gibbs, yeah!"

「行個好，Gibbs，沒錯！」

"Fine. Translate *this*!"

「好。那翻譯〝這個〞！」

Tony found himself being shoved against the wall, and next thing he knew Gibbs was kissing him hard on the mouth, and the surprising thing, the really surprising thing, was that he wasn't remotely surprised. He just pulled Gibbs close and kissed him back like he was the only source of oxygen氧氣 in the whole damn world.

Tony發現他被推擠靠向了牆，而下一件他知道的事情就是Gibbs深深地吻了他的嘴，而令人驚訝的是，真的令人驚訝的是，他對此卻一點也不驚訝。他只是將Gibbs拉得更靠近並回吻著就像他是這全世界該死的唯一氧氣來源一樣。

Tongues clashed, lips burned, and all Tony could think was, "Yes! At last! Thank God!”

舌頭牴觸著，嘴唇燙著，而所有Tony能想到的念頭就是，「這就對了！終於！感謝上帝！」

They kissed for ages, and this, it seemed, was one language they both understood. It was raw, and passionate, and *necessary*. And then it was over, and Gibbs drew back and glared at him again.

他們吻了像有一世紀那麼久，而這個，這看起來像是，一種他倆都懂的語言。這是自然的，充滿情慾的，而且是〝必須的〞。然後它結束了，接著Gibbs站了回去並再次看著他。

"Now d'you understand why I don't want you to leave?"

「現在你了解為什麼我不想要你離開了？」

Tony gave his widest, most infuriating grin. "Well why didn't you just say so in the first place?"

Tony給了一個超級大的，讓人生氣的笑容。「Well、你為什麼在一開始不就這樣直接說呢？」

Gibbs slapped the back of his head – and then he grabbed hold of Tony's hand and hauled拖 him off up the stairs to bed.

Gibbs在他後腦巴了一掌—然後他抓住了Tony的手並將他從樓梯上拖到了床上。

The following day Tony had floated into work on a cloud so high that nothing could bring him back down. When he’d heard he hadn't inherited his Uncle Clive's fortune, he’d just shrugged and grinned and said, "It's only money!" because he didn't give a damn about the inheritance繼承權 anymore. He had *Gibbs* and that was worth a hell of a lot more.

接下來的幾天Tony樂得就像是漂浮在雲端上甚至沒有什麼東西能夠讓他下來了。當他知道他無法繼承他叔叔Clive的遺產時，他只是聳聳肩然後笑著並說，「只不過是錢！」因為他再也沒有該死的去研究那筆遺產了。他有了〝Gibbs〞而那見鬼的比任何東西都值得。

Now, nearly a year later they were still together, and Tony was the happiest he'd been in his life. Or at least he had been until his father had shown up and turned his world upside down.

現在，時間差不多已經過了一年了他們仍是在一起，而Tony仍處於他一生中最快樂的時刻。或至少是持續了到他的爸爸出現並顛覆了他的世界為止。

Tony slung the beers down on the coffee table and noticed the pillow lying on the couch. He knew immediately what it was for, and he was relieved because it was a clear sign that Gibbs wasn’t still mad at him. He winced as he remembered screwing up like a probie in the hotel suite隨從 earlier. Damn it, sometimes he wondered why Gibbs put up with him. All his old insecurities had emerged the second he’d laid eyes on his father again. Just being around the old man brought back the feelings of inadequacy不適當, of not being quite good enough, of being somehow disappointing令人失望的…and that nagging使人不得安寧的 sense that sometime soon he’d be on his own again, abandoned被遺棄 by the one person he wanted to be close to.

Tony將啤酒隨手丟在了咖啡桌上並注意到了沙發上的靠枕。他直接就知道這是什麼意思了，並且因為Gibbs不再對他生氣而感到寬慰。他退縮了下因為想起白天在旅館套房裡時自己表現得就像個菜鳥一樣地把事情都搞砸了。去他的，有時候他真想知道為什麼Gibbs還能忍受他。這是第二次他因為爸爸而讓自己舊時的不穩定狀況出現。只是待在那個老人的面前就又讓他感受到以前那種無所適從的感覺，總是覺得自己不夠好，總是令人失望…而這種被他所想要親近的人所遺棄的不安感，很快地就席捲了他。

Gibbs didn't say anything about the pillow, but then again he didn't have to. Tony had become almost fluent流暢的 in ‘Gibbs’ over the past year. He knew that if you wanted to know what Gibbs was really thinking you had to listen to what his eyes were saying and watch the way he moved. You had to read the truth in how tight his muscles were, hear the nuances細微差別 in his pauses, and catch the tiny, unexpected little grins that sometimes curved曲線 at the corners of his mouth.

Gibbs對於那個靠枕沒有說什麼，他之前也沒有說過什麼。對於〝Gibbs式語言〞Tony在過去幾年已經學得很流利了。他知道如果你真的想知道Gibbs真的在想什麼那你就必須去聆聽他眼神所傳達的還有他的行為方式。你可以從他肌肉緊繃的程度讀到真相，從他的停頓中聽出其中的細微差別，然後有時候可以抓到極微小的，不顯露於外的小笑容在他的嘴角。

As for Gibbs – he already spoke 'Tony' fluently it seemed. He could read Tony as easily as he zipped活力 through those trashy蹩腳的 thrillers he liked so much. He heard everything Tony never said, saw the meaning in every meaningless word he spoke, and laughed at Tony's clown小丑 mask while never once being taken in by it. He definitely knew why Tony had screwed up so badly in that hotel suite.

而Gibbs也一樣—他看起來像是一樣熟於〝Tony式語言〞。他可以讀Tony就像是讀他喜歡的那些蹩腳的恐怖小說一樣地簡單。他可以聽見所有Tony沒有說的，看見所有他想要表達卻沒有表達出來的，並在Tony沒有即使帶上他的小丑面具也能笑出來。他相當明確的知道為什麼在旅館套房裡時Tony會搞得這麼糟。

Tony picked up the pillow and threw it on the nearby chair. He knew that the pillow was for later, after they’d eaten. He sat down with a sigh and pulled out his knife. Beside him, Gibbs did the same. Tony filled Gibbs in on what had happened with his father, and Gibbs, as usual, saw right through his lies and called him on them. Tony shook his head ruefully悲慘地.

Tony拿起靠枕並將之丟到了最近的椅子上去。他知道這靠枕是為晚點準備的，當他們吃完時。他坐下並嘆了口氣、然後拿出自己的刀。在他旁邊，Gibbs也做了一樣的動作。Tony告訴了Gibbs他爸爸發生了哪些事，而Gibbs，一如往常地，從他的謊言中看到真相並要求知道。Tony悲慘地搖了搖他的頭。

“How do you do it?” he asked. Whether it was something big like this or something small, like a lie about taking the trash out when he hadn’t, Gibbs always knew.

「你怎麼做到的？」他問。無論事情是像今天這麼大或是再小的，像是他說謊沒去倒垃圾，Gibbs總是會知道。

Of course Gibbs knew he'd bailed out his dad, and of course Gibbs knew he'd blown his cruise money to do it. He'd asked Gibbs if he minded him taking the cruise with his old friends, and Gibbs had shrugged and muttered, "Mind? Hell no! Be nice to have a break from you, DiNozzo," but the little quirked grin, and the kiss he pressed to Tony’s cheek, had told Tony that he really meant, "I'll miss you, but you should go and have some fun with your old friends anyway".

當然Gibbs會知道是他幫他爸脫離了那個困境，當然Gibbs會知道他是把他要去郵輪上玩的錢拿來用了。他曾經問過Gibbs是否介意他和一些老朋友坐郵輪出去玩，而Gibbs只是聳聳肩然後咕噥著說，「介意？見鬼的當然不！好好享受你的休息時光，DiNozzo。」但是那個古怪的笑容，還有他在Tony顴骨上的親吻，實際上告訴Tony的是，「我會想你的，但無論如何你應該去並且和你的老朋友們一起度過快樂的時光。」。

They finished eating in companionable友善的 silence, and then Tony glanced over at the pillow. It was time. Gibbs was right – he did talk too much to avoid saying what was really on his mind. Talking about the deep stuff didn’t come easy to him, but he always felt better when he finally let it out. It was easier to do it when he wasn’t looking at Gibbs though – and somehow Gibbs had figured that out and devised想出 the pillow method of communication溝通. He always seemed to know when Tony needed it and why.

他們在和善的沉默中吃完了食物，然後Tony看向靠枕。是時候了。Gibbs是對的—他總是說得很多好逃避他真正所想的。談論到太深的區塊對他而言並不容易，但若他真的說出口了他總是會覺得好多了。而且不看著Gibbs的臉說話的話會讓事情更容易一點—而從某種角度來說，利用靠枕溝通的方法可是Gibbs所想出來的。他似乎總是知道什麼時候Tony會需要它還有使用它的理由。

Tony got up with a sigh and stretched. He went over to the chair and picked up the pillow. Then he returned to the couch and placed it on Gibbs's lap. Gibbs didn't say a word. The flames from the fire lit up亮了起來 the dark room. It felt warm. Cosy舒適的. Tony lay down on the couch and rested his head on the pillow on Gibbs’s lap, looking away from Gibbs, into the fire.

Tony站起身嘆了口氣並伸了個懶腰。他走過去椅子那邊並拿起了靠枕。然後他走回來沙發這邊並將之放在了Gibbs的膝上。Gibbs並沒有說什麼。火焰的火光讓黑暗的客廳亮了起來。讓客廳內感覺溫暖。讓它感覺舒適。Tony躺在了沙發上並將頭放在了Gibbs膝上的靠枕上，眼神遠離Gibbs，轉而看著火焰。

“Even by my standards標準, the level of idiocy白癡的行為 I showed in that hotel room was shocking,” he said.

「即使以我的標準來看，我在旅館裡表現的白痴行為的水準仍是嚇人的低。」他說。

“Yeah. It was.”

「沒錯。那的確是。」

“Um…you know nothing happened between me and those girls, right?”

「呃…你知道我和那些女孩之間沒有發生過什麼吧，對吧？」

Gibbs snorted. “Oh yeah. I know that.”

Gibbs哼道。「噢當然。我知道。」

"I never do it deliberately故意地.”

「我從來都不是故意的。」

"Uh-huh.”

「嗯哼。」

"I don't screw up or act like an idiot on purpose.”

「我不會有目的的搞砸事情或是讓自己像個白癡。」

"I know."

「我知道。」

"And I knew exactly what time you were coming to the hotel suite to relieve me," Tony added, glancing up at Gibbs for the first time.

「而且我確實知道你何時會進到飯店房間裡來解救我。」Tony補充，並第一次地抬眼向上看著Gibbs。

The corners of Gibbs's mouth quirked up. "Yeah. I know that too," he replied.

Gibbs的嘴角上揚著。「沒錯。我也知道這點。」他回道。

"I know you know." Tony smiled and looked away again. He felt Gibbs stroking his hair; slowly, gently, and rhythmically有節奏地.

「我知道你知道這點。」Tony笑了笑然後又看了回去。他感覺到Gibbs撫著他的頭髮，緩慢地，溫柔地，而且帶著節奏地。

Tony stared into the fire, and they were silent for a long time. This went deep, and Tony knew it would hurt. Then, finally, the words started to come out.

Tony瞪著火焰，然後他們沉默了很長一段時間。即將要深入那個區塊了，而Tony知道那會很痛。然後，終於，那些字開始不斷地跑了出來。

"When he said goodbye, he told me that he loved me."

「當他說再見時，他告訴我說他愛我。」

"Uh-huh." Gibbs kept on stroking.

「嗯哼。」Gibbs撫摸了一下。

"First time he’s ever said it. I wanted to hear him say those words for so long and then when it finally happened, I didn't feel anything," Tony said quietly. "Maybe it would have meant something if he'd said it a long time ago, when I was a kid. Maybe if he'd said it back then, when I needed to hear it, it would have made a difference. But now…I found that it didn't matter anymore."

「這是第一次他這麼說。我想要聽到他說這些字好久了、可當它最後發生時，我什麼也感覺不到。」Tony靜靜地說。「如果他在以前就說這些的話它或許有些意義存在，當我還是孩子的時候。或許、如果他在當時對我說他也愛我，在那個我需要聽見的時候，那會讓一切都不一樣。但現在…我發現這再也不重要了。」

"Yeah." Gibbs’s fingers felt so good on his hair.

「是啊。」Gibbs的手指在他的頭髮上移動的感覺是如此的好。

Tony remembered coming home from his time away as an agent afloat and having nowhere to stay; he’d looked around the squad room as everyone began to leave for the night, suddenly realizing that fact, and had seen Gibbs rolling his eyes at him. “With me, DiNozzo,” he’d said, and that had been all that was necessary.

Tony仍記得當他結束海上探員工作，回到家後卻發現沒有任何地方可以待時心裡的感受；他在所有人都準備下班離開的時間看著小組辦公室，才突然驚覺到，然後就看到Gibbs對著他翻了個白眼。「跟我來，DiNozzo。」他說，而那正是他所需要的。

"Maybe 'cause I finally figured out that saying the words doesn't really mean a damn thing," Tony said, still gazing into the fire. "He dumped me in schools and summer camps and half the time I didn't even know where he was. I had to act out and get into trouble at school just so the headmaster校長 would call him, ‘cause that was the only way I got to see him. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have set eyes on him from one year to the next."

「也許是因為我最後終於知道那些說出口的話並不真的該死的代表什麼。」Tony說，並仍是看著火焰。「他把我丟到每一個學校還有夏令營去而有一半的時間我不知道他在哪裡。我必須在學校特異獨行或是搞出些大麻煩、這樣校長就會連絡他到學校來，而那是我唯一可以見到他的方法。如果我不這麼做，我從今年到明年大概都不會看到他。」

"Mmmm."

「嗯嗯。」

“He just wasn't that interested in being with me,” Tony said softly. It hurt, but at least it was the truth. "Turns out, it's not the words that matter. But then you've always known that."

「他對於和我在一起並不感到興趣。」Tony輕輕地說。這很痛，但至少這是事實。「後來我發現，其實重要的並不是那些字。但其實你一直都很清楚。」

Tony turned his head on the pillow and looked up. Gibbs leaned down and pressed a kiss to Tony's lips.

Tony將自己在靠枕上的頭轉了過來並向上看著。Gibbs低下頭並在他的嘴唇上親了個吻。

"Uh-huh," he said.

「嗯哼。」他說。

The End